Dare to Acknowledge and Fulfill Your Deepest Longings

They are beautiful because they are yours; they await your audacity to claim them.

As an introvert who has adapted to a largely extroverted world of others, with years behind me of a fast-track, pressure-cooker lifestyle in large companies, I now take daily, deep forays of fascination into my inner world. Before, I would bury my impulses to ask myself what they were, or that they mattered. Recently, I have been exploring the concept of Longing. Deeply, and in community of other seekers. I am finding that this topic bears sharing my own personal insights in order to ignite a similar journey for any of you that are grabbed (or even curious) by this blog title.

What is Longing? How is it different from a Want or a Desire? The term “Yearning,” perhaps, is closer to what Longing is. A Want or Desire seems transitory or fleeting and is often situational or conditional. Many, if not most longings are for something or someone that may seem (immediately) unattainable. 

For me, a Longing is very deep, usually sourced from the bittersweet memories and emotional enigmas of your personal narrative, is consistent in its unexpected emergences over time, and can stir your heart, tingle your skin, moisten your eyes, and ignite your excitement when you are near to, or can clearly imagine what you most yearn for. 

John ‘Donohue shared in his book, “Eternal Echoes” 

“Longing is the deepest and most ancient voice in the human soul…When you learn to listen to and trust the wisdom of your soul's longing, you will awaken to the invitation of graced belonging that inhabits the generous depths of your destiny.”

As women, it is easy to have Longings we can identify, for we have brains and sensibilities which can more easily integrate our feelings, thoughts and memories, and make sense of them. (Or so I believe).  However, what we long for may not be clear, and can even be based on questionable premises. If I long for family closeness or belonging, is it because I did not experience it growing up, or that I did? If I long for true, unconditional love, have I watched so many romantic films that I have brainwashed myself against accepting less than that or being more pragmatic?  If I long to be seen and understood, how do I know that I’m not the one that keeps people from seeing and understanding me? Does Longing come from the lack of something I never had, or if I had it, it went away? Do I myself thwart it?

Yes, we can thwart the attainment of our longings, or find that there are shaky or unclear foundations that we need to explore. We can feel trepidation and fear that if our longing is close to realization, we may still lose it or be hurt by it.

There can also be deep disappointment when your longings are so close to attain and then not met. We can retreat easily back into our cave of safety, and hold the bittersweet memory of “I tried” close to our heart, believing it’s not okay to long for what we long for. Yet, a longing doesn’t go away really; it sits within the core of our identity, because there is a pull toward its attainment, not a push. We are meant to go there. My deep longing for full creative self-expression is often thwarted by an inner belief that I cannot create fully what I visualize, and then I stop creating.

Having longings does not change, and they are never really suppressed. They pop up when you least expect them too, and realizing what they really are can be unexpected. I recently articulated, having done some journaling, that it is my ongoing longing for peace and harmony since I was a child (away from a chaotic, noisy world) that drives my delight in solitude and completely immersive experiences (e.g., feeling transported, losing myself), including making art, writing, meditation, listening to beautiful music, experiencing great stories among the varieties of multimedia, virtual reality and even skydiving. If I am not engaging in an immersive experience on an almost daily basis, I feel deeply misaligned and “off.” These days, it is a longing that I get to satisfy more than not. However, even once satisfied, the longing remains.

From a spiritual standpoint, does “God” or the Universe guide us toward the fulfillment of our longing and also keep us “safe” from the dangers?” The poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, tells us in his poignant poem,

Go to the Limits of your Longing

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,

go to the limits of your longing.

Embody me.

Flare up like flame

and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

Is spirituality a helpful guide to support us toward the complete fulfillment of our longings?

Your inner knowing knows best…if you ask.

Ultimately, I believe we all share the longing for connection and belongingness in this big world of ours. Connection to one another, connection to meaning and purpose, connection to our inner self, connection to that which is greater than ourselves. And more.

Longing is the inner ache of that which wants to become and emerge.

“Your longing is your becoming.
It is the call of your future self
whispering to you through the veil of the present.”
John O’Donohue, Eternal Echoes

So, my invitation to you is to acknowledge you have longings, explore them including their sources, and what may get in the way of fulfilling them. Decide what they mean, from where they are sourced, and what the risks really are to seek to experience them in the reality of your life. Longings do mean something and color and to make our destinies vibrant. They live in the space of Self called Soul, and have their own spaciousness and freedom to dance, light you up and evolve as you do.

Here are some journaling questions:

1. What is it that you do not have or experienced, but have always yearned for? Have you ever had or experienced it? Remember your child-self and what s/he longed for. What has changed?

2. Have there been deep disappointments because of this longing?

3. What need or desire is really underneath it? Keep digging.

4. What is the underlying emotion you feel or desire to feel when you notice or dwell on your longing? 

5. Does your life feel incomplete without it?

6. What does it mean to you if you never do fulfill your deepest longing? What does it mean if you give up?

7. What does it really mean to you to fulfill it? What would be true if you did?

What are the very next steps you could take today to move toward it, however small? Do any of these induce fear or excitement? If fear, what is the worst that could happen? Is it still worth it? Are you willing to take that step? 

“In longing we move, and are moving, from a known and abstracted elsewhere to a beautiful, about-to-be-reached someone, something, or somewhere we want to call our own.” David Whyte, Consolations.

Be curious, come awake and keep flowing in the sea of Longing…